Mido

So, last night I had the most vivid dream. I dreamt that I had gone back to Mozambique. In my dream I was a bit older, like early 30's, and was married with children. We as a family traveled to Mozambique to try and adopt Mido. Mido in my dream was 11. I had not seen him since he was 2. We drove up the red dirt road to the compound to find Mido. I get off the trunk and there is a big festival going on. Lots of singing and dancing. I wasn't sure how I was going to find him. I began to shout "Mido! Mido! Mido" I look to the right and this hansom boy is looking straight at me. He runs up to me and in perfect english says, "I have been waiting for you to come back" I looked at him with tears in my eyes and asked if he even remembered me. He responds, "I could never forget you." Now weeping he places his not so little arms around my neck and hugs me tightly and cries with me. My husband and kids come and join us in the sweet embrace. My kids say to him that their mom has never stopped sharing his story to them and others. They ask him if he will be a part of our family and come back to the states with us. He cries and said that is what he had been praying for since I left him many years earlier.

I woke up with such hope. I know God is calling me to adopt one day. It was almost as if through my dream the Lord was confirming that not only do I have this passion, but the man I marry will too. I want more than anything to adopt Mido. That little boy impacted my life in so many ways two summers ago. And still to this day I think and pray for him. I ache to hold him in my arms and sing him to sleep. I know he is being held by so many others. I know that he is loved and is safe and doesn't need me nor does he most likely even remember me. I just pray that one day I will get to see him again.

What Makes My Heart Beat...

Haiti 2010

Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

Laughter...

What makes you laugh so hard that you almost pee in your pants? Here are some times that I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe...

-kelly and I skiing in Colorado. She could never brake so here she comes flying towards me screaming watch out and poof we go flying into the air. Skis and poles everywhere. Only after I had fallen off the advanced ski lift and had to be pulled by my hood out of the snow by hot ski lift man.

-Watching Malissa cut down the live Christmas tree in our living room with large pliers and then carries the darn thing like Davy Crocket over her shoulder outside.

-Talking to Kiely about past/present boy situations and dying laughing.

-Hanging out with my Mom. Literally the funniest woman I know. She fell down the stairs and had to ice her butt for a week. Only after she was trying to clean the ceiling fan and forgot it was still on. When she stood up on the chair, POW she got thrown across the room with a purple eye.

-Brad the man full of hot air that lingers at our house on occasion.

-Watching a dance video of all of us from high school dance to N*sync Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays in someone's garage.

-Taking the flying sugar gliders to the vet in a pouch and then being mesmerized by the vet's gorgeous blue eyes to the point that I couldn't answer his questions without smiling.

There are lots more.. but that's all for tonight!

In this season of life this speaks a lot to me. All I can do is trust my Father and as I trust I learn to BE OK!

A Time To Dance

Did you know.. that the eagle only eats life giving food. When an eagle eats something that makes him sick, he flies to the highest rock he can find and lays spread eagle with his wings out against the surface of the rock. He stays there until the sun draws out the poison, freeing him to fly with other eagles again. An eagle has two natural enemies: storms and serpents. The eagle embraces the storm. While other birds are taking cover, the eagle is soaring. Eagles don't fight the storms of life, they wait on a rock for the right thermal current and then using that to carry them higher. The eagle saves his fights for the serpent. Especially when the serpent threatens what is dear to the eagle.

I just finished reading this amazing book. I never ever read. It's very hard for me to sit through an entire movie let alone sit down and read a book. But, I did it! As I read this book places of my heart that I had tucked deep down inside me came to the surface. Memories of the past came flooding to my memory. Good and bad. As I flipped the pages the Lord used the characters of the book to bring great revelation and deep healing to my heart. The story is about a family. A broken marriage. Broken relationships when the enemy is allowed in. Hope. A deep sadness. The power of prayer. Miracles.

It is so funny how the Lord speaks to us. I mean here I was trying to find a hobby aka reading, and my hobby turned into this powerful healing time with Jesus. The Lord keeps putting on my heart the word grace. Jesus calls us to live lives that reflect His kingdom. With that, we are called to show grace onto those around us, those that are intentionally living closely to us. We don't deserve His grace and yet HE POURS MORE AND MORE AND MORE GRACE ON US. It is so hard for us here on this earth to show grace onto those that hurt us, disappoint us, frustrate us, BUT we are called to radical things. That includes living and responding from a place of love and grace to those that are placed in our lives.

Quick story...The other night one of my best friends and I went to Olive Garden for a quick soup and salad dinner. Our waitress from the second we ordered the cheap 10.00 soup and salad acted as if we were some huge inconvenience. The entire meal, she was very annoyed with us being in her section. At first, I was like pah, I just won't tip you. But then, we decided we should pray for her and bless her even more in our tip. So, we prayed God's love over her and tipped her very well. We received our checks and we're really pumped about the little mints you get after you eat. When we go to open our little books there were no mints. So, we just figured she hated us even more and went about our night. On our way out, we asked the bar tender if he had any mints and he said no we are all out. We left the restaurant, as we walked to the car we hear behind us this man yelling "ladies! ladies!" We turned around, and the bar tender came running up to us not with two mints but with a WHOLE cup of mints. As silly as this story is, it was just such a simple picture of how God loves us specifically. He noticed how we loved and prayed for our random waitress. And He blessed us with a cup of mints.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary..."

This blog is kind of all over the place, I'll go in detail with those of you that want to know more about the revelations and deep healing the Lord did as I read my book :) Let's remember eagles though. They press into the storms of life and ONLY eat life giving foods. If they do eat something poisonous they lay on a rock and let the SON draw out the poison. Also, live a life of grace! Show grace to even those that don't like you or you don't like them. Ultimately, we are living to please the Father and reflect His kingdom!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Sharing The Good News...

So, for those of you who know me, know that two summers ago I traveled to Mozambique, Africa for three months. It was there that my life was dramatically changed. Since then, it has been quite a struggle to maintain all that I learned that summer in my everyday life here in Knoxville, TN. I know many of you feel the same way. We go on life changing, life impacting trips and come home and desire to apply all that we brought home with us into our lives here, but find it a wee bit hard. So, tonight I am cleaning out a drawer in my room where I found my homework journal from Africa. In this journal I was given the assignment to write a paper on what it looks like to 'share the good news to the poor.' I'm going to type out what I wrote. As I reread this one page paper I sat in my floor and wept. I pray that as you read it your heart is moved as well.

Sharing the good news with the poor looks like... leaving all of our comforts at home and going to their huts, cardboard boxes, shacks, mansions, or wherever and being vulnerable with them. Just as Jesus was real with the woman at the well, so should we be completely transparent with the poor. Not just the physically poor, but those that have the poorest spirits and souls too. I truly believe that the body of Christ looks like all of us sitting around in the dirt and holding hands with the joy of the Lord illuminating out of our smiles, our laughs, our tears, our stories, our pain, our prayers, our words, our hugs...No where in that do I think money or nice possessions helps us illuminate His face brighter. We need to break the lies that have been surrounding us saying we are more dignified because of the money in our bank accounts or the nice cars we drive. Jesus sat at the table with the rich, the drunk, the poor , the selfish, the wounded, the thieves and He told stories with them and laughed with them. He allowed HIS heart to connect with theirs. Why do we not do the same? What is keeping our hearts from connecting with the poor? I pray that Jesus strips me of any pride I have that is telling me I deserve the chair instead of the dirt. Sharing the good news with the poor is loving on them as you would your best friend. Sharing the good news with the poor is laughing and telling stories with them as you would your family. Sharing the good news with the poor is coming to them with ONE thing to offer... JESUS!

"Ruin Me" by Jeff Johnson is the song of the night! The Lord used this song to speak so much truth into my heart my Sophomore year of college when I laid the man I loved more than life at His feet. He is using this same song tonight to speak new truth into my very being.

What To Do Next...

Alright, so people I need ya'll to pray that I find some clarity. I am at crossroads right now, I need to make a big decision. Either stay here in Knoxville and do the Fellows Program or move to Nashville. If I stay in Knoxville, I will most likely from now until August nanny for a 2 month year old baby M-F. I have to save 10,000 bucks before August in order to do the Fellows. Nannying seems to be the best route to make that possible. If I move to Nashville I will have a whole new world to explore which would be loads of fun. I also, can do the Fellows and then move to Nashville after. I just don't want to make the wrong decision. I know the Lord will use me no matter where I am, I just need to hear His voice in which direction to go. SO, will ya'll pray and share with me what you feel Him telling you in regards to this next step for me...

Oh and pray that I learn how to not shop. If I am going to save 10,000 bucks, I am going to have to put aside my passion for fashion for a little while.

Brrrrr...

Welp, our house is absolutely freezing. I woke up to the sound of Faith saying, "So, I uh.. blew a circuit out and the heat won't come on!" Ha, I could see my breath IN MY ROOM it was so cold. I am trying to think on the positive side of things and the more I shivvveeerrrrrr the more calories I am burning. Speaking of calories, listen to the funniest story ever. Last night, my roommate and I are at the gym working out. We started on the treadmills running our usual 5k (Baha I sound so legit) anyways, we are running...I keep upping my speed to keep up with her, not to mention praying to God I catch a breath because we are running so fast. So, we are running along and next thing I know I hear BOOM, CRACK, SMACK, BOING (her earphones) and my poor little roommate has been flung off the treadmill. I was still running and freaking out and trying to find the stop button on the darn machine. The kid is bright red from rubber burns and embarrassment. I in my good thinking suggest we head on home, she in her not so good thinking suggests WE RUN ANOTHER MILE. I being the great friend I am knowing she wanted to prove to the gym that she was tough and the fall didn't phase her at all agreed. So, we run some more. Then, I go over to some machine and just kind of stare at it. It was the weirdest looking machine I had ever seen. Next thing I know a trainer approaches me to give me a "lesson" and somehow I am doing lunges all around the gym to workout my legs. Needless to say, I can not walk today and I just shoved chips, pasta, and edamame down my throat.

Random fact for the day: HMU is the most used acronym on Facebook right now. It mean 'Hit Me Up' meaning call me!! haha so peace out people. Til next time, HMU

How To Survive a Snow Storm...

So, tonight me and my three roommates ventured to CSPC for the Christmas show. On the way there the roads were already a little snowy and icy, but that did not stop us. We arrive at church, play musical seats and worship Jesus while watching the snow fall to the ground through the window. It was such a sweet night. The Christmas music was so beautiful. "let us adore Him, fall down before Him, Jesus Christ is LORD" Gosh, when we were singing these words I had chill bumps. I can not wait for the day that I am in Heaven on my knees adoring my Jesus. Somedays I wish I was already there. I hate how I get so wrapped up in all the drama of this world that I lose sight of living my life ADORING MY KING!

Any who, the topic for this blog was "how to survive a snow storm" I better tell ya'll so you can apply these handy tips to your night.

1. firewood

2. blankets

3. wine (red or white)

4. oreos

5. milk

6. great friends

7. socks

8. Christmas music

9. sled

10.candles

11. HOT critters aka men to cuddle with by the fire

12. pillows

13. movies (The new Eclipse is out holla)

14. and lots of laughs!

Graduation is TOMORROW

So, today has been a great day. Went to graduation practice. Talk about weird. Met my roommate for lunch. Went shopping all day. Bought an outfit for tomorrow night (C.E.L.E.B.R.A.T.E GOOD TIMES COME ON!) Met a sweet high school friend for coffee. Met the besties for dinner. Ran into a high school best friend. Chatted it up with M. And now I am in my bed and ready to wake up at the crack of dawn to flip my tassel.

I finally feel like I have direction. I am SO excited for what is next. I feel ready and somewhat prepared to face the big girl world. I'm getting a pet frog and naming him "true loves kiss" inspired by Enchanted. If you haven't seen it... stop reading now and hit up the nearest blockbuster and rent it NOW. Me and the frog and Head Coach aka Jesus will tackle this next chapter of life together. It's gonna be great! Pray I meet my husband soon. I mean really it's fine. I can keep chilling. But, it would be very nice to journey through this next chunk of life with the husband unit. So, PRAY! And people we have a wee bit of a situation here, not situation from Jersey Shore for all you messed up youngins that watch it, the situation here is I ONLY HAVE FIVE PAGES LEFT IN THE HUSBAND JOURNAL. This is serious. I have been writing in this darn book for almost 5 years. People keep telling me I can get another one, but UM HELLO I will not start the "I'm praying hard for some boy to come along library" I mean come on people we want to keep the man around not scare him off. I think handing him 19 books of journal writings is a weee bit DRAMATIC don't you think.

Anyways, this is my last night as an undergrad. Tomorrow ya'll won't even recognize me because I will have a diploma in my hand that says Degree in Pokadots!! HOLLA! Oh, and technically UT waits like seventeen weeks to actually mail you the real diploma so really tomorrow I'll hold a fake piece of paper that says this past years football schedule or something! BUT, nonetheless pray I meet the real TRUE LOVES KISS. Till next time.. keep it simple, keep it real, and lets have a great Saturday!!

The Battle is WON!

So, in the last 24 hours every aspect of my life has been hard core attacked. God is up to A LOT, which rages the battle even more. BUT the funny thing is, satan has nothing because the BATTLE IS WON. The VICTORY is ours as heirs with Christ. I have all day been in deep thought and prayer. I haven't really wanted to communicate with anyone but my Jesus. All day the only one I wanted to sit with was HIM. All day the only one I wanted to cry to was HIM. I am very aware of the lack of hunger for the Kingdom in my own heart and in those around me. My eyes have been opened to see that satan is fighting to destroy us. My heart has been broken for which breaks HIS heart. I get it. I see it. I long for HIM. I want those I love and even those I don't really like to know HIM the way I do. I want others to walk in the POWER of the CROSS. I want my own heart to beat to the rhythm of HIS heart. "You can have all of this world, just give me JESUS!" I want this to be my heart's desire.

Today, I have been attacked. I have wanted to do nothing but cry out to my HEALER. I have fought lies. I have prayed that this season would hurry up and pass. I have been jealous for those I talk to who seem to have it altogether. (I know you are probably holding out for the AND THEN GOD DID BLANK) welp, I am sorry to say I am still in this place as I write. HOWEVER; I just read my devotional and listen to what it says.... "pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles but through the expansion of them. Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me."

I am going to press into this season even more than yesterday. I am ONLY moving forward. He stills holds me, even when things start to crash down before me, I will still STAND on SOLID GROUND. Hallelujah!

Listen to "You Woke The Morning" By: Mat Kearney

Becoming Who God Desires...

If we are really following Jesus, we will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. Because we must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate Joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it.

My prayer today is that I will allow the Lord to make me into who He desires me to be. God, you are constantly at work to shape me in the wholeness of Christ, you know the hardness of the structures of my being that resist your shaping touch. You know the deep inner rigidities of my being that reject your changing grace. By your grace soften my hardness and rigidity; help me to become pliable in your hands. Even as I pray this, may there be a melting of my innate resistance to your transforming love.

The other day I went for a run where in between struggling for deep breaths (seriously, it was so cold I couldn't breathe) I began to weep. I challenge ya'll to go for a run in the below zero weather and cry out to Jesus at the same time. It is pretty much an oxygen tanks dream come true. I was running, jamming to Watermark, and crying out to the Lord. I have hit a place in my life that I don't have any control. I have felt my heart ache a deep ache. The other morning I woke up and all I could do was read scripture. Do you ever feel the weight of this life to where you can't move? I laid in my bed and as I read His word, I literally felt my heart lift. I read in Galatians 6:7-10 about what we reap is what we sow. And let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if WE DO NOT GIVE UP. Therefore, as we have OPPORTUNITY, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Those words hit me deeply. When I was running I was crying out to Jesus because I was tired of loving so well, I was tired of really seeking Him and not seeing my desires being met, I cried out to Him to provide a community that really is after His heart in the way I long to be. I cried out to Him to provide friends that are selfless and deeply committed to the KINGDOM, not the pettiness of this world. When I read these words, He whispered in my ear, "I see you Chelsey. I know your heart is weary. I know you desire to be with your husband. I know you are tired of being a good friend. BUT don't give up. Don't think that you are waisting away. I am MAKING YOU INTO THE WOMAN I CREATED YOU TO BE!" Gosh, can we say phewww! Here I am having a pity party for myself when all along Jesus is fashioning me, changing me, molding me, transforming me from the inside out. He is calling me to be the change this world needs. HE IS CALLING YOU TO BE THE CHANGE THIS WORLD NEEDS. He is calling us to NOT GIVE UP. Even if you are single and 22 years old. Even if you have a college degree and you are a full time nanny. Even if you love your friends deeply and intentionally and don't receive the same in return. Even if your family thinks your nuts because you want to hold the broken, the lost, and the needy and don't care to make 80K a year. He is enough! He is my COMPLETE JOY! He is what sustains me! He is what fills me up. HE is what says I am altogether beautiful just the way I am.

Listen to "Constant" by: Watermark! He is constant! He goes after EVERY heart! Lets be a body that is constantly running after HIM!

The Waiting Room.

Welp, let me send a shout out from the waiting room. It's rather nice in here I guess you could say. I have a lot of peace. I am just chilling. Today, I woke up, went to campus, presented to Altar'd State our project, had lunch with a dear friend, went to Clarabelle and the Hen, picked two kids up from the bus stop in a monsoon, met one of my favorite girls in the world for dinner, met another sweet friend to go to the UT basketball game after we drank boxed wine in her car first (don't judge us), then came home chatted it up with three roommates, took a shower and prayed and cried out to my Jesus, and here I sit writing on here! My life is rather MONOTONOUS. I do just about the same thing everyday of the week. I am about as ready for a change as a 3 year old is ready for Santa on Christmas Eve. I am praying God would bring a little pazazz to my life. I don't know if that means my husband is just gonna waltz in my life tomorrow about 3:00 when I am pulling into the Weigels to get my daily pick me up of a double shot coffee drink. OR if that means I am going to move to Haiti to be a teacher for four precious little ones. OR if I am going to get this Administrative Assistant job at the Law firm. OR I am going to move to Uganda and hold orphans in the red dirt. OR I am going to nanny my life away and then do the Fellows Program. OR maybe I am going to wake up tomorrow morning and in my sleep I will have become the world's greatest pianist (holla at my Cyd) and people from all over the world will pay me millions to come and play for them. I HAVE NOT THE SLIGHTEST CLUE what this pazazz I am praying for is going to look like. But, it's rather exciting to sit back, pour me a glass or four glasses of wine and allow HIS HAND to lead me the whole way. ABC Family has been playing some kickin shows, so I'll just sit my tush down watch me some Home Alone 1 2 3 & 4 and pray that HE will continue to hold my hand and continue to fill me with this peace that surpasses ALL understanding!

Til next time folks, rest in HIS peace. No matter what your circumstances are HE. IS. A. GOD. OF. PEACE. and He will meet you in the process, He will meet you right where you are with open arms. Now, do your part and collapse in the arms of your Papa and rest! HE has it all under control!

Faith That MOVES Mountains...

The Lord is calling me to have faith that moves mountains. At first I was like, um...no thanks I think so so would be better at this one. I have never in my life been at a place where the only one, the only tangible thing I can hold onto is HIM. This season of life is one I would like to hurry up and get through. Lots of unknowns and very few knows. I wake up in the middle of the night tossing and turning. I wake up in the morning praying for strength to walk the motions of another monotonous day. When asked the dreaded question, "so, what is next?" I am learning to not gag and turn the other way and sprint, but instead to embrace the unknown. I am learning to enjoy the process of where I am. The process is right where He wants me.

I am praying for that faith Matthew talks about. The kind of faith that is like a mustard seed. The kind of faith that can say to a mountain "move mountain move!" The kind of faith that says nothing is impossible. (Matthew 17:20)

So here I sit. Here I wait patiently. Here I watch and listen to hear HIS voice. Here I learn to be a daughter of FAITH. A daughter that is intentional right where HE has her. Please partner in prayer with me that I will be a life giver to those I am around in this season. Please pray with me that I will be a woman at rest with where she is in the process.

Unto the Lamb.

Beholding your beauty is all I long for..

Jesus make this my heart's desire.

To worship You Jesus with my soul's desire..

Make my heart come alive for you again.
For this very heart you've shaped for your pleasure..

Jesus, make my heart feel like yours.
The purpose to lift your name high..

Remind me Lord of the call you have on my life.

Hear and surrender in pure adoration..

I want to want you more than this world Lord.
I enter your courts with an offering of praise..

Bring me into your heart, I need to feel you.
I am Your servant come to bring you glory..

Teach me how to be a laid down lover for you.
As is fit for the work of your hands..

I want to be selfless. I want to love well Jesus.

Now unto the lamb who sits on the throne..

I am a daughter of the most high king.
Be glory and honor and praise..

Jesus, please receive glory from all I do and say.
All of creation resounds with the song..

Even the birds worship you Lord.
Worship and praise him the Lord of Lords..

You are my everything and I will adore you.

The spirit now living and dwelling within me..

Fill me more with your Spirit Jesus!
Keep my eyes fixed ever upon Jesus' face..

Even in the pain, keep my eyes on you Father!
Let not the things of this world ever sway me..

I want nothing else but YOU JESUS!
I'll run 'till I finish the race..

Continue to direct my steps Lord!

Hope.

Do you ever hope that the rain will stop falling just to give you enough time to run to your car? Do you ever hope that cute boy you see everyday running at the same time as you will just "bump" into you? Do you ever hope we will sing your favorite songs on Sunday morning? Do you ever hope your heart will stay in that joyous place of everything seeming to be going just right?

What do we do when the rug has been pulled out from under us and our HOPE seems to be long gone? What do we do when life tries to distract us with its many demands and our HOPE fades away?

As I sit here, I am listening to a CD titled HOPE, I am looking at a canvas with the word HOPE painted in the middle of it. My favorite song right now "Magnolia" by Ellie Holcomb sings, "You've been HOPING you can make it right, but the more you try, the more you're failing."

Is my HOPE in JESUS alone? Do I have HOPE in His name. When everything is stripped away from me, or nothing seems to be going right, or I am lost and confused, can I still have HOPE that HE is good.

These are just some thoughts that have been on my heart the past couple of days... I long for my HOPE to be in HIM. I want to want Him more than this world.

I am Restless until I rest in YOU

If you had to ask me one word to describe my heart right now I would have to say it is very broken. In the last month I have seen and experienced more broken relationships than ever before. I have watched some of my best friends have their hearts broken by the men in their life. I have had my own heart broken by a boy and friends. I have watched satan attack some of the dearest relationships in my life. I have cried A LOT. I have prayed A LOT MORE. I have sought the Lord unceasingly. I have asked for wisdom. I have listened to the same cd on repeat for three weeks straight. I have ran more miles in the last month than I have in my life time. The enemy has tried to fill me with doubt, with hopelessness, with guilt, with regret; BUT JESUS SAYS NO MORE! Jesus is whispering in my ear... I AM YOUR HOPE. I AM YOUR JOY. He sees the brokenness, He is not threatened by what I am seeing. He is smiling, because HE knows what is going to be made out of this broken place. He sees the beauty being shaped out of the pain, out of the tears. He sees my heart and delights in me.

Graduation is near...

ahhhhh Graduation is just around the corner. I don't have a clue what my life is going to look like after that day. I don't know if I will be living in Knoxville! I don't know what types of careers the Lord is calling me to pursue. I have a lot of unknowns running through my mind! But, He continues to fill me with joy unspeakable! I just keep thinking back to when I was trying to find an internship. I was all over the place and didn't have the slightest clue as to where I would end up, but HE provided. He always does!!! So, I know He holds my future in the palm of His hand! I am just so excited to enjoy the process of right now!

Change.

I have always thought that I loved change. Hence, the four colleges, the crazy trips every summer, the spontaneous adventures that I have to have weekly. But, since I have been home from Florida my heart is beginning to tell me that change is not something I honestly love.

I am learning more and more about myself with everyday that passes. I can not wait to get to a place where life is more settled. But, with that said the Lord is showing me how to have a content heart and mind even in an unsettled season.

Shopping Really Is Great Medicine Sometimes..

Welp, I just went on a major shopping spree. When my parents find out they might ship me to Shopaholics Anonymous! My dad has been saying for years how all three of us need to go to a meeting haha. But, good thing my roommate told me that 78% of what I bought is just not okay. It's funny how when you are in the dressing room trying on piece after piece, envisioning where you will go in each outfit everything looks good. But then, you get home and weeks go by while these news clothes just sit in your closet and you think to yourself.. one day maybe I'll wear that.

Oh well, I got some fantastic sweat pants and a cute black shirt with a pocket.. every girl needs that one solid black shirt to wear. And sweats... HELLO... major staple in a college girls wardrobe!

In All Things I WIll Praise Your Name!

"Your name is a strong and mighty tower. Your name is a shelter like no other. Your name.. let the nations sing it louder. Nothing has the power to save, but your name JESUS!"

So, I am working on this whole being vulnerable thing. Allowing my own self to go to the mess of my heart. I know that the Lord is up to something huge, because I have never felt the enemy attack me so hard before. The last two nights I lay awake tossing and turning. Replaying old memories, recent memories in my head. I felt such an attack come over me that I honestly could not think of anything but going into a deep sleep to get away from the attack. Last night, I was getting ready for bed and Jesus said to me, "you have not been using your sword that I gave to you. " I glanced over at my little green bible, my sword, sitting next to my bed. I picked it up and began to read. As I read in Acts peace came over me. I put it down and thought now I will sleep. As I tried to drift to sleep, the attacks raged again. I decided to take it as a compliment that I am that big of a threat to satan, which means I am an even bigger asset to the Kingdom.

Reaching Into The Chaos

So, the other day David from work turned and said to me, "remind me to tell you something later." I shook my head and continued on with what I was doing. I ended up forgetting to remind him and a couple days went by. In those days, I became very much aware of a stirring that was taking place inside of me. It was a familiar stir, but one I had not felt in quite a while. I had been pondering the season that I am in. I heard the Lord say, "I am just beginning something new inside of you, but you must allow me to have access to the depths of you. To your passions. To your dreams. To your fears. To your tears. I have to have access to all of you." I wasn't sure what to do, so I just kept on with what was in front of me. I come into work a few days later and David says to me, "I knew you weren't ready to hear what I was going to tell you and that's why you forgot to remind me. But, I feel like now is the right time." I said okay and he proceeds to tell me of a vision the Lord had given him of me. He describes that I am on the shore and the Lord is calling my name to follow Him out into the water. I begin walking deeper into the ocean when in my hand is my phone and it rings. I look at my phone and my mind starts to think of my family, my friends, my life as a 22 year old girl living in Knoxville, TN. I then turn back towards the ocean and see Jesus. He motions for me to come to Him. I look at my phone, throw it down and with the biggest smile run into the arms of my Father.

David then asks me, "what is the Lord showing you right now, is this relevant?" With tears in my eyes, in the middle of Nordstrom, I reply, "He is beginning something new within me and He wants every piece of me! I keep fighting. I keep running and hiding myself. While He is continuing to call out my name to fall into His arms, but I keep falling into the arms of the world."

WHEN WE WON'T BE STILL WITH HIM IN THE QUIET, HE DOESN'T THROW IN THE TOWEL AND GIVE UP ON US, HE COMES INTO THE CHAOS AND CALLS US INTO HIS ARMS TO STAY.

I couldn't get over the vision the Lord gave David for me. I was speechless. The Lord continues to say to me, "Your story has an irreplaceable role in what I am up too, allow me to use ALL of you."

"Well, I will walk by faith even when I can not see, Because this broken road prepares your will for me and even when I am broken I still see YOUR face and HEAR voice in my ear."

Flipping the Page...

This is the start of the next chapter of my life. I am about to graduate from college. Never thought this day would come. When I was in High school I had envisioned my life for the time that I was in college. But, after college I just do not know what to expect. So, I am living with my hands open. My life open. I know and believe that what Jeremiah says in 29:11 “For HE knows the plans He has for me,” is true. So here we go...buckle up and hold on tight because this ride is about to begin.

As I live in Palm Beach Gardens, FL interning for Nordstrom, I wonder where I am going to go next. I have a little bit of security since I am going home for five months to finish up school. But, other than that I have no idea what is ahead. It’s kind of freeing to not know. It’s also kind of scary.

Let me just say this Summer has been one heck of a summer. I have learned how to sell Men’s clothing like no ones business. I have learned how to start a grill and make a mean pizza on it. I have learned how to rollerblade in 100 degree heat. I have learned that when they say do the crocodile at a dance club you should just close your eyes. I have learned how to put together a fashion show in two weeks. I have learned how to use a mac. I have learned that it is hard to keep up with everyone when your life is on a different schedule. I have learned that my family and best friends really are God’s tangible gifts to me. I have learned that He has to be my source of strength or I won’t get very far. I have learned that my passions can not be tucked away. I have learned that my heart beats to a new beat when I think about my Summer in Pemba. I have learned that I am HIS and He is mine. I have learned that MY story alone is powerful. I have learned that this summer, although stretching and hard, has been one I will never forget.