My senior year of high school, Al McKay made my entire bible study guys and girls a DVD from our high school years. This DVD makes me cry and laugh all at the same time. One of the songs that plays on the DVD is “There is a Candle” by: Chris Rice. Every time I hear this song I think of scenes from the DVD. Tonight, I am babysitting and journaling with itunes on shuffle and this song begins to play. As I listen to it, the Lord reminds me that I often try to light my candle with my family, my friends, my hobbies, my fun activities, etc. He then goes on to remind me that even as I am running around trying to light my candle with worldly things, it is still lit with His flame! He is still alive in me. I have just made myself exhausted with the running around when the fire was right in my hand. This made me think of the song “prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the one I love.” The past few days, I have been feeling very dissatisfied with the stuff of the world. Nothing is completing me. I have found myself desperately wanting to find a few extra minutes to just be in His word, to sit and listen to a worship song, to simply be with Him. I am tired of wandering. I am tired of wearing myself out striving and searching for what I ALREADY HAVE. I want-to-want HIM MORE than my family, more than my best friends, more than my future, more than my desires. THAT IS HARD. Right now, all I want to do is to cling to my parents. I know that they will never leave me and that they are always going to be proud of me. Well, Jesus never leaves me, is always delighted in me, and so much more and yet I still find myself choosing Mommy and Daddy over my own CREATOR. I can’t seem to get my mind around this. I was reading in 2 Samuel and David always, not sometimes, but always went to the Lord first before anyone else he went to His FATHER. This is hard, but something I am praying that I will live out more and more everyday.
This past week, there was a horrible tragic accident that left a 17-year-old girl dead and her sister in critical care. I have been thinking a lot about this tragedy and asking Jesus to help me process death. I have been praising Him that I don’t know much about it. But, with that comes fear and the prayer, Lord, please don’t ever take anyone I love away from me. And as I pray that God quickly reminds me that HE will always be enough. People are not forever but HE is. Um, I don’t like that. I don’t even want to think about that I hate it so much. I am praying that the fears I have of loosing someone I love so much would go away. Matthew 6:34 has been one of my favorite verses since high school. It says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for today holds enough worries of its own!” This is what I am clinging to for today!
Song of the day is: Through It All by: Hillsong